It's beginning to look a lot like moving

So today I started to tackle to process of clearing up my life.  Two words....PACK RAT! Holly hell I have a lot of crap that I have yet to see in years.  Biggest find, all my blank checks I thought I had used, now I don't have to order more!

I went back and read my 10 boxes post and I will admit its just not logical.  I already have 2 boxes going!  Each box will contain specific items and if I cant get them in that box then they don't go.  I am being real selective about what can and can't go.  I'm thinking that renting a car and trailer may not be a bad idea.  I think everything will fit in a small trailer since I am not taking any furniture.

I sent my lovely friend viv and email with dates and info and she has offered to help me out in finding a place for the long term and the short term.  Thank goodness cause i have no idea where anything is.

I am going to talk tot he apt on Sunday and let them know I am leaving and work out a plan to get all my penalties taken care of.

Then I will be moving in with the rents in Feb and the process of saving money begins.  Feb will be a difficult month because I will be paying double rent, but once March comes around the saving will begin and life becomes a bit easier.

I'm going to start selling and donating items.  The money from that will go toward winter clothes, LOL because i am ill prepared!

I'm going to ask as a going away gift my friends get me gift cards, LOL because all i ma taking furniture wise is an air mattress.

Guess what! This is the most exciting nerve racking time in my life.  A new chapter is beginning and I can not wait to start reading.

An Emotional Night

Today started out OK, I was running late for work, so the normal.

However the problem I have been having lately is that my entire body hurts from being tired.  No matter how early I get to bed or how much I sleep my body is still tired.  A part of me was worried.

I had my office Christmas party today, but to keep this a happy post I won't even talk about it.

So after that I was really in a bad mood and didn't want to go out.  However it was gonna be girls night.  So we went to see Mission Impossible, again for me and Jen. Yup still love it!

After that we ended up at Numb, where things just go down hill.

Now Numb has brought me some great friends. However it does not have a good record for men. Jay was there and he left under, well we still don't know the circumstances.  Jaime just didn't wake up one day and now Ray is moving his family back to CA.  I understand his reasoning's and its gonna be good for his family.  However due to his home situation I know that I will most likely never see or here from him again. It sucks when you have been friends, even just social, with someone for over a year and then they are gone with a few hours notice. In the same few hour time frame I got notice that another friend got a great job and although still living in Vegas he too will be "gone". Compound that with Justin leaving and I'm a wreck!

Anyhow while at the Peppermill I started to talk it out with Adam.  I was telling him about the sleep issues and I think its all my emotions fighting against each other. Basically I'm having a LOT of anxiety about the move, fear of failing, excitement and lastly depression over leaving my most favorite little person in the world. I am so excited at the prospect of living on the East Coast, I am not changing my mind at all I know the East is where I want to be. I just have to come to terms with all the emotions. Turn the negative energy into the positive that is going to change my life and my future forever.

So its time to start packing...get rid of the clutter and start this journey with a fresh outlook...I'm literally diving into the emotional pool that is my life...I'll let you know when I surface.  Wish me luck!

Things are starting to move fast!

Everything happens for a reason right?  In my case some issue with my apartment have lead to some great NY developments!

My last child is moving out at the end of the month.  This means I no longer need my 2 bedroom apt!  So since I'm having a money dispute with my apt I have opt'd to break my lease (because its built into my lease that I can) pay the penalties and move in with the 'rents for a few months.  By my time line i will only be in Vegas for max 5 months anyhow.  Living with them will cut my expenses by over half!

So the new timeline....

Jan, start selling everything I can! Everything must go.  Really go through my stuff and get rid of the crap.  Move in with the 'rents in Feb.  Leave for NY in april.  Back the end of May or June.  Going away party in July or August and then an East Coast resident by Summers end!

I'm so excited and nervous all at the same time, this is really happening!  Gotta really start looking for work and a place to live, cause thats important :-)

I AM MOVING TO NEW YORK!!!

Holiday Fun

So life is moving forward, just at the slowest speed possible! Can it just be April already!!!

So what's been happening with me lately?

Work is work! I am ending out our A&R year which means I need to harass my teammates to get their stuff done by Friday.  Along with that I'm planning an onsite party with Hawaiian food (I don't eat Hawaiian Food!) & closing out my own budget.  I have 4 months of reports to catch up on and on NO TIME to do it....Yeah work is work.

The fun stuff is that if all goes as planned i will be on a plane to NY/NJ on 4/9/12!!  I am still set on the 2 months but depending on budget I might have to cut that by a few weeks, we shall see.

I'm trying to get into a project management program at work to make my resume that much better.

Now for the trouble I am been getting into!

We went to Chicago for the final Carolina Liar show w/David Cook before the baby was due and wouldn't you know it, Chad's little one couldn't wait.  About 3 hours before the show we got the announcement that the guys would not be performing.  Normally i would be bummed, but the baby was here, how amazing for Leah & Chad! So the girls and I drove around Chicago.  LOL but of course I'm like a 3y old and fell asleep in the car!

Abby came to visit! I missed her, now that we are on the same time zone 4 driving hours away we never see or talk to each other!!  However we redid Thanksgiving since last year she was so sick.  LMAO boy did we!

We hung out at Thanksgiving with family and friends.  Friday I worked for a little while and then we made the rounds.  We went to Goss with Adam & got hammered!  Lucky Abby had the hindsight to say we needed a room for the night so we cabbed it! Then we proceeded to Numb to drink some more!  The night was going great until I somehow dropped my entire purse in the toilet!  LMAO the only thing to survive was the combos!  I am down a captivate, 2 cameras & Abby's phone! Not one of my finer days and I still have no idea how the hell it even happened.  Totally put a damper on the night though.  Needless to say there was no recovering it.  Prior to leaving back to CA though we did get her a replacement phone at one of those used phone places.

Saturday once we were a bit more sober we went to the Beach Club (Aka Cafe Nikki) and had a nice peaceful lunch where Abby proceeded to try and tan.  LOL she is addicted tot he sun :-)  Prior to leaving Nick had arrived so we hung out at the bar for a bit.  Jay eventually showed up so we got to say hello.  We decided that we would come back later and go hand at the club with Nick.

Prior to getting home and changing we went to my cousins house for some family time.  I hadn't seen my cousin Danny in years so it was pretty cool to see him and just hang out with my cousins.

Anyhow we got back and changes and headed back to Tropicana. OK things start getting fuzzy again.  LOL we drank at the bar, had an incident with my kid needing money for a cab, then we went to the club, the bartender was amazing, there was dancing, drinking, and finally being driven home by a very upset friend.  Holy heck we had fun! So much so that Abby is coming back this weekend!

LOL so after all that rambling you have read its obvious nothing interesting is going on.  Life is moving at a snails pace.  My anxiety is kicked into high gear with each passing day, but one day I hope to look back on these moments and think, wow all those blogs were a pretense to the best time of my life!

How 2012 looks in my eyes

I can remember the 1st time the thought of New york popped into my head.

It was Junior High and someone asked me the question "If you could die anywhere where would it be?" I answered NYC and from that day on all i have thought about is NYC.  Life happened, kids happened, the real world barged in, but I have always wanted to live in NYC.

I can't explain why I have always had this pull to live on the East Coast, I just have this overwhelming need to be there. I have talked about it for years and years and each time my time frame gets longer and longer.  So in saying that its logical that no one believes I will really go.

This is how 2012 looks to me....whether anyone believes it or not.

Jan is CES...Let me inner geek come out to play!
Feb-Mar is pretty quiet.
Depending on strike April takes me to NY.
May I will still be in NY.
June at some point I will be back to enjoy my daughters 21st birthday.
July brings about yard sales & craig listing items.
Aug is going to be the going away party to end all parties and then I am off to the East Coast.
The rest of 2012 brings about excitement and fear of the unknown.  However its that fear that drive me forward into the unknown.

To all my friends and family who dont think I will go let alone make it, please just wish me well. You don't have to support my decision, but please support me.

I'm going to follow my dreams, how many of us go through life regretting that we didn't follow our hearts or our dreams?  I just don't want to be one of those people.

So please....wish me well.

10 Boxes

So I have decided that when I move next year all I am taking with me is 10 medium size boxes.


How do you fit 36 years of life in 10 boxes?


I look around my room and think, wow i want to take that, but then WOW do i need that?  It all has value to me but to now one else.


10 boxes...WOW!

Finding Friends

You would think in this age of social networking you could find just about anyone.  LMFAO Lord knows I'm easy to find.

I have been looking for 2 people of over 20 years now and I just can't find them.

In the 7th grade I went to camp for a week and met 2 of the most amazing people and we kept in touch for a while and then life happened.

LOL so if you happen to run across a Jon(athan) Curto or John Hayes in your passing that worked at the Wilshire Camp in So Cal around 88 or 89 give them my email will you?

OK back to life

Road Trips Rock!

Its been a few days and life and my sleep pattern are back to normal.  Meaning I'm back at work & I'm down to about 4 hours a sleep max a day...yay me!


So last Friday I headed up to Reno to catch up with one of my fav groups Carolina Liar. LOL, don't ask who they are because you already know, you just don't know you know them. Listen to this and when you mind goes "Oh Yeah" come back and read. 

Now that you are back here we go.  My work husband & his mistress came to pick me up.  I adore Jurgen & Stacy and I miss having them here in Vegas with me, they were part of my sanity here.  Anyhow we ate , hung out and just caught up on what's been going on since I was in Reno for Danielle's wedding last month.


Detour.....the wedding was amazingly beautiful! Love Danielle & Loki, here are a few pics.

OK Back to the road trip.  Checked into the hotel and then we wandered and ran into 3/4 of the Liars and the wonderful Colette.  Said some hello's and I would see them later.  


LOL at some point Val arrived w/Vodka and the rest of the night gets slightly blurry! So here is what I know.


Danielle arrived and we did another food & catch up session. We all hung out until Jurgen & Stacy left. Went to the show (still drinking) and found half the Liars, LOL! Good thing we got there early because they went on 30 mins ahead of schedule! Impromptu photo...LMAO!

We went to our seats way in the back and decided to sneak into seats way in the front! LMAO we stayed there till the evil venue guy kicked us out.  Not that it mattered my pics are a comical array of blurry shots! See..

Anyhow after the show we went and hung in the lobby.  I am sure Gavin & David are amazing musicians and they have some amazing fans, but just not my cup of tea (or alcohol) in this case.  So we kicked it in the lobby! 
After a while we went upstairs to get Rickard's 1st birthday pressie of cookies & rice crispy treats, but ended up talking to Johan, Colette & Chad instead. After forever & Danielle buying Chad a drink we grabbed the stash of yum and went back to lobby. LOL more drunken pics!

As with all shows the night comes to an end, but not before a little Liar time & Love :-)

Next Day it was up to Tahoe! I fell asleep in the car on a road & woke up in the forest! So pretty though! LOL and within an hour I had an altitude headache that I kept the next 24 hours! Such an amazing time though! We went to the beach at Camp Richardson, had some drink, Val cooked dinner, went to the casino and picked up my massive haul of chocolate from Stacy and then I slept in a Log Cabin!!

Next morning we were off to Falling Leaf Lake! We were supposed to get an early start but my lovely hostesses & host let me sleep! How amazing to wake up in fresh air and seriously in a REAL LOG CABIN! Apparently Falling Leaf is where they filmed the Bodyguard, which was pretty neat.  Johnny is a wealth of info and facts and I really enjoyed listening to everything!
So we went up to the top and everyone but Robin and I hiked down, lol we took the car! The lake was like glass up there, insane how much it looks like a postcard! All I could say was WOW!

My time in Tahoe sadly came to an end and it was back to tour. Val took me to the hubby & stacy who took me to the airport.  It was so hard not to cry when I left, I truly do love those two!


Anyhow arrived back in Vegas and jumped in the car with Lena off to San Diego.  We got there sometime around midnight to Jezzica's and spent the next few hour just talking.  The morning brought about the Winery's.  Note to self, EAT BEFORE WINE TASTING STUPID! I was pretty intoxicated so we ate over priced horrible food to soak up alcohol.  Got a case of the most amazing Champagne ever and picked up some wine for the boys as Rickards 2nd day of birthday pressies.


We started the trek down to San Diego with baby gifts & birthday gifts in hand. I immediately went into tour mode.  LOL poor Lena I don't think she was expecting my high strung stressed out mode, but it passed.  


Got to the venue and saw Armen & Mark.  Mark took the pressies to his bunk for us and we went to enjoy the show.  Bought tickets online on the way to SD and they ended up being 3rd row center! Not too bad. 


The boys once again put on an amazing show! (Not like they ever don't) and since Lena sat on my drink during the show I was pretty sober for a little bit.

After the show we once again left and had some great Liar time.  Met Leah, who is hands down adorable. Opened pressies and had some drinks before ending the night back in Temecula. Quick stop at in-n-out and after some chatter the night ended.  


Next morning was a drive back to Vegas for the night where I went stir crazy, I'm so meant to be out traveling...somewhere!


Met Melissa at the airport and we were off to LAX to catch up with the guys in Pomona!  Gotta love Mel, she backed till 4a to make Rickard homemade cupcakes for his 3rd and final birthday pressie.  Best part was they made the trip thru the airport, on the plane, to the hotel and finally to Mark's bunk on the bus.



Pomona Pomona, LOL OK all I can say about this place was MAJOR CLUSTERFUCK! It reminded me of Wilminghell with the Sticks years ago.  I wish Sean or Jason or someone would have come out and yelled or restored some kind of order, but of course nothing!


Nikki, Sue & I had the VIP package and Mel went in GA. Quick hang time w/the Liars since everything and everybody was running late.  Got to see JB! Missed him.  He did the first merch, LOL classic JB, miss seeing him in front of the lines.


Pomona was crazy! The crowd was pumped and the guys had an electrifying set! Such a good way for me to end! After the show & merch we hung out at the bar & met David Cook.  LOL since I hadn't actually watched a show it was nice to met him, he was a really nice guy.

LOL and from here the night moves fast.  Hung w/Colette for a few and said goodbye to Johan before the final merch.  He was off to NYC for the break. Helped the guys sell some Merch or pimp Rickard as it ended up being.  LOL so funny! Had a cupcake and pressie sessions and then said goodbye to the boys four or five times and the night was over with a see you next year.

Such a great ending to an amazing road trip!


Then it was 2hr of sleep, a quick plane ride back to Vegas and straight to work.  The best part was coming home to my baby.  I miss her so much when I am gone.  LOL but I didn't miss her sleeping in my bed! How can a 4y old take up sooooo much space! I love my grand baby though!


So there is where the road trip should end, but instead looks like I'll be seeing the guys one last time in Chicago for their last show.


LOL the fun never ends!

Survival vs. Selfishness

So I have just come back from the most amazing 6 days on the Road seeing one of my favorite bands Carolina Liar.


If you know me you know I adore these boys.  If you just randomly read my non-sense I met these guys when they opened for Rob Thomas just over 2 years ago. I freely admit I had no clue who they were, but like everyone else in the world I knew Show Me What I'm Looking For to be one of the most amazing songs on the radio.


Anyhow a tour and 2 years later I am honored to be able to continue see these guys and get back just as much love from them as I have for them.  I decided that I am willing to give up Sticks for Liars, a monumental thing in itself.


Anyhow I am gearing up for my "vacation" and move to the East Coast. However everyone still has mixed feelings.  As much as I love my friends they know I will leave whether they want me to or not.  However my family still has some influence.


My youngest daughter is unhappily struggling on her own having moved out not too long ago. My oldest daughter and grand daughter are happily living with me for $100 month.  LOL, KIDS!


However in the total scheme of my life Vegas is slowly becoming a toxic place for me.  I want out! In order to get out I plan to go to NYC for about 2 months and scout around. Shortly after I plan to move.  


So back to the title of this.  If I see leaving here as a survival mechanism for my happiness is it selfish that I am leaving everything I know to do it?  This includes possibly giving up my close to (not quite, but close) 6 figure salary a year job in the middle of this stupidly crazy and bad economy? 


I say no, but there are so many others that disagree.


I know that I will excel as an assistant in the industry.  I am so willing to learn that someone could pretty much create me into the perfect PA, for them. 


Its going to be hard, and I will use every contact I can just to get my foot in the door.  Then its all me.  I could excel or I could fail, but shouldn't I be allowed the chance without the criticism? 


I had my kids young.  I my no means claim to be a great or even a good mom.  However they never suffered, much to their disbelief. Now that they are grown up and ready to move on with their lives should I not be allowed to do the same?


I send this out into cyberspace knowing I'm talking to myself, but hey maybe the answer will come to me from somewhere :-)

Hitting Rock Bottom

So in my infinite plan to move forward I fell 100 stories to the bottom.  We all do things that eventually we hit the  bottom from. Its how you recover that counts.

I tread water until I was tired. I swam until I sank. I fought until my mind said I was done. I asked for help and a life preserver was thrown.

I'm now floating to the shore and it feel so good.  By next week all the bad will be over and I can start looking forward at the next life I am creating for myself.

My future is finally looking up.  I'm 36 and about to embark on the best years of my life.  Where it will take me I have no idea, but you know what, I'm up for the challenge.

I have raised my family to the best of my ability and its time to set them free to fly or try.  Will they follow me? Maybe, time will tell.  I hope they will stand on their own feet, but sometime you have to crawl again to walk.

I love my sister endlessly for everything she does, has done and continues to do for me.  She may not always approve, but she wants me to be happy.

Its time to put myself out there.  I have less than 4 months before I can happily leave my current job and embark on this new journey.

Wish me luck, because I broke everything in my dropping to the bottom.  Now is the time to pick myself up and climb like I never have before!

Clarity & Lack of Sleep...UHG they don't mesh well in my life!

It is 2:12a and I can not sleep!


Took a nap before Hawaii 5-0 because I was so tired and now I'm fucked! I need to be up in a few hours.


So I was re-reading my blog, because sometimes I need to remember what I ramble about.


Part of getting my shit together is trying to clear the Karma I have brought upon myself or others on me.


I did one thing in my life that I can say was truly a terrible thing.  Nothing extremely bad, I just went along with something and a few people got hurt along the way. One most likely still suffers from the effect even though she was so young at the time.


So I'm going to do something I NEVER do! I am going to make amends with a few people.  Not that we will ever be friends or even have a "Family" relationship again, but at least that starts to release some of the negative energy on my Karma.


Now in saying that some things, like trying to get me fired to better your own career, are completely unforgivable, as far as I am concerned that person, well lets just say I don't care. However being the stubborn person I am I need to let some thing go.  I am determined to have people in my life I love and get rid of those that make me want to kill someone!


So time to shake some bad Karma....OH this is gonna be hard! No time like the present right!


If this is what 36 brings, come on 37!

I fell the need to blog, but nothing come to mind to blog about.

I can say what I want to do over and over again and if the universe is listening it will happen. Gonna start reading some books on the industry.  You can't learn how to be a PA, but you can learn what the person you want to be working for does.

Had a huge argument with my youngest child today on paying bills. It is what it is, she is going to learn the hard way.

I have always said I would blog to just get my feelings out, but i find that hard to do.  Im going to set a reminder to remember at least once a week so I can keep this current.

Its going to be my journal to success, or maybe failure, we will see!!!

Depression & Me

Most likely not the best thing to talk about when I desperately want to change careers, but hey this is my blog I can say what I want!


I have suffered with Depression for years.  I was on meds & in therapy for a long time, but me being me I stopped therapy and I just wont take the meds.  I'm convinced I can control it myself.


One of my biggest issues was always that the issues with my kids were because of me.  I am the only common denominator between them, well that and I managed to pro-create with 2 of the most lying useless people in my world. They both have a form of ADD/ADHD & one is bi-polar & has ODD. So for 2 kids to both have issues like that its got to be something in the genes rights? Who's genes do they both carry? Me! That was something my therapist was never able to work out of my head.  That and after 2 years she only saw one break through with me...so I left! So my solution, I just wont have any more kids.  I have gone to great lengths to make sure it stays that way too. Hence why I enjoy being single.


However I can literally feel my body sliding down the dark hole of despair as I call it. When it happens nothing and no one can fix me, only I can slide down and find the light hidden somewhere in my world.


Why bring this up?  I was talking to a good friend over "Slice" this morning and she said that last Christmas I was off the radar for 6 days.  No social networking no texting, email or phone calls.   That kind of shocked me because I dont remember that at all! Normally I can tell you exactly when that was, kind of scary actually.


SO I said I was going to reread some stuff and see what was going on.  I cant find anything.  I see a trip to NY and I am always sad when i have to come back, that is getting worse.  I cried leaving NY last trip.  Although that was quickly removed by anger from the hellish 20 hour trip I had getting home.


To sum this all up.  If I fall off the grid, I'm not lost, just taking a break.  I still see everything that goes on, I just might not mentally be up to talking. All the love that is sent to me helps me find the light that will guide me back to sanity. Is it smart to not medicate, I think so, because on the meds I dont like the person I become.


I'm in a semi happy place.  I have a goal, I have a direction and I can see myself where I want to be doing want I want to do.  The obstacles to get me there are what hurts me the most, because they are obstacle I put there, I just didnt know it at the time.


To the people that know me, not the social networking Googleable me, none of this is new to you.   You have experienced it before, even if you didn't know it.  LOL you are now having an "AHHHH" moment.  To those that only know me from the above, well when I'm offline for a while, dont worry I will be back to ramble some more.

My outlook on 36

So I turned 36...blah! Another birthday, another Tuesday...how...BLAH!


On the plus side I feel big changes coming.


I have some serious financial issues that have to get sorted...but i still feel its all recoverable.


I can visualize myself in another place being happy finally.


Of course that visualization takes me to the East Coast.  Very few people are thrilled about it and even less believe I will do it. My question is simply Why Not?


I am at the perfect point in my life where I can change careers.  My daughters & grand daughter, although I love them endlessly, really dont need me any more.  Once kid moved out and the other is just buying time to get on her feet.


I am no longer happy in Vegas, I'm just going through the motions of the day to day things.


I know what I want to do.  I want to get to the other side of the rope.  However I have no experience other than being a friend and a fan.  I dont have a degree, I dont have a pieve of paper that says I know something I will never use.  What I do have is ambition and drive and a passion.  I know I will make some unsuspecting person an amazing assistant.  I'm a control freak, i need things to be done my way, there is no other way. I have 12 years of telecommunications experience and a total of 6 years of management experience.


I need that one lucky break and I am good.


Good things are going to happen in the next 12 months, just wait and see!


I wasnt a Steve Jobs fan & I am sorry he passed.  However I did learn that one person can have a massive impact on large numbers of people. Sometimes you can have more and love and respect in your life than you can ever imagine or know. Thanx Steve for showing me that Dreams are possible, and then some.


On the plus side my Carolina Liar boys are hitting the road! These guys deserve all the success they can image! I get to see them in 15 days....WOOHOO!


Ok to bed now!

Carolina Liar is BACK!!!

I sit here typing 37 hours after I left my house to go to LA to see Carolina Liar.  The drive down was pretty uneventful...well except for what the gummies were doing on the dashboard, but thats a different posting.
Speaking of Gummies, Melissa and I stopped at the Alien Jerky place to get some stuff for a friend and decided to get some Sugar Free Gummies for the ride....BIG MISTAKE!!! Unbeknownst to us those gummies have something in them that resembles a laxative and you are only supposed to eat a few at a time.  The rest of the night was event and painful!

Anyhow once we checked into our hotel and changed we drove over to the venue.  I think LA should have Carmeggedon evey weekend I am in town....traffic was great!  LOL there was barely any!!!

So from here is just a series of being in the right place a the right time. We entered the Curious George lot (thanx!) and almost parked really far away from the elevator.  However we opt'd to drive around some more and got primo parking right by the elevator.  I was telling Melissa that we should be able to walk down the stairs but we opt'd to stay and wait for the elevator.

The doors open and guess who walks out? The CL boys! That made the whole trip worth it!  We got hugs and we were just so happy to see them...we knew that the rest of the night was gonna be great :-)

We went down to check out the venue and then opt's to eat at Hard Rock. Lunch went well, the gummies were still attacking, and then we went to the fence.  The front was already full, but we hoped that some people would leave after the first band.

OK the first band was so NOT my type of live music.  I'm sure that all the people that were their for them really enjoyed it, but um yeah...we didn't...so let's fast forward to the guys.

There was some technical difficulties and the guys got a late start, but they were amazing! I missed seeing them do what they love, and I love what they do.  I'm so excited for the new songs! Drown live was all I thought it would be. Chad can work a crowd and get them going no matter if you love CL or have no clue who they are.  That's the one thing I remember about when i first saw them a few years ago.  Anyone that can get a crowd on their feet like him deserves to be on a stage.

I know they had a curfew, but they rocked as many songs as they could in the time they had and they had fun.  Hell we had fun!

Got to spend some time with the guys after the show...they have a lot of stuff planned and I plan to follow them every step of the way.  If you have read through this whole posting and still have no clue who I am talking about you need to go to the Carolina Liar web site and sign up.  Listen to the guys music and enjoy the musical ride!

New Outlook

I spent the last weekend with over 20 women in two rooms as we waited to see Matchbox Twenty.  You know what?  It was one of the best times I have had in along time.  We were loud, drank too much, loud and had an amazing time!!!
I got some great hang time with Abby (who i miss endlessly).  Had about 45 minutes of Matt time.  We had our standard coffee date, but with Abby this time.  It was just like old times hanging with the two of them.
I got to see how much it bugged an ex-friend to know I am living the life she wanted and doing it well.  If her fiance is anything to go off of she is going to be a miserable person all her life!
It was truly a fantastic time!!!

What it did show me is that this upcoming move is a good thing. I just need to do it correctly.  If all goes well my boss will approve the two months I want to take to go to NY and "try it out".  When I come back i will know if its really what I want to do.

My trip to Europe is coming up next year.  There is so much I still want to do, its all about making the commitment.....I'm committed!

I will miss the life I plan to leave behind here in Vegas, but you know what? Those I love will still be here and those I don't wont. It really can't get any better than that!

Turning 60!

First off my daughter graduated High School....it almost didn't happen, but it did!  Unlike some she even found a job. She is working at Kid's Quest, this is a great job fit for her, because she really does like kids.

Work is going well, now that I have cut the negative evil virus out of my life!

I think I have found a happy medium to my life as it stand right now.

I have new New York plans.  A co-worker gave em a great idea about going to live there for a few months and REALLY see if its gonna work.  I have all these grand ideas, but you know what, maybe its too late.  However if I do a trial run I will know for sure and then I can start moving forward.

My British Bombshell Buddy Julia has left me (she is going to hate that).  Moved back to the UK...blah! We had a ripper of a weekend though.  I seriously had the makings of a great movie!  There was lateness, lost in Vegas issues, lots of drinking, male stripping (Damn he was hot), drunken craziness, crazy tourist, more drinking, chats, non-chats, dancing, more drinking, vomiting in ice buckets and car windows, reading the details of the night on FB the next day, going out the next night and laughing about the night before, broken hearts, beating heart, true love, just love, talk of sex, cock blocking, and sex toys lost in luggage, Chris and Tiffany and passed out Las Vegas tourist....just to name a few things....seriously one of the most HILARIOUS going away weekend celebrations ever! So glad I was sober!

On the negative side a friend of mine from Numb Bar passed away.  It makes me sad not only that he is gone, but that the last time I saw him we had a stupid, stupid fight and I didn't say goodbye.  Once of those stupid moments you cant ever take back.  However I know I told him enough how much I adored him and in my mind I'm hoping it was enough.  Love ya Corn Beef!

I have found myself in the odd spot of actually falling for the most amazing guy, but he will NEVER know it. My friend Jennifer says from the moment I spot him my eyes light up and the smile never leaves my face.  My friends will tell you that is so NOT me!!! I'm so OK with it though, because I love the friendship we have.  He's a smart guy I'm pretty sure he suspects, but....

You know what? I have some of the most amazing friends. When I tell people I have friends all over the world they look skeptical, but really music and social networking have helped me find the most amazing people.  Those that I let in are there to stay...LMAO and some have been set free and away from me....totally OK with that!

Thinking about moving again...just a shorter lease while I make up my mind about New York too. Mainly because I want to kill my neighbors on a nightly basis.  The people who have their balcony directly across from mine apparently can not control they evil children.  Its 1215 right now and they are letting the little bad ass brat yell and scream...with the door OPEN!!! Seriously!!! My 4y old is sleeping...so its either move or go to jail...I'm not real fond of the jail part.

SO I turned 60!!!  Well I just did my 60th "Official" Matt Goss show.  If I counted all the partial shows I would be way over that, but for the sake of keeping it honest I only did the full shows.  What a great night! Amazing Eye Sex, got a new bow tie, lots of love and I got to spend it with my MB20 girls!!! I love when my 2 worlds come together. Nigel Lythgow was there too....he was a riot when we were taking pics!

I never thought I would like another musician like I do my core musical obsessions, but Matt is so much fun.  The band is so freaking amazing that you just have to fall in love with them all! All my pics are on FB so if you are one of my FB friends who I may or may not know...enjoy!

OK I think I am done :-) Thanks to the one person that reads this!

Me

Time to Blog

I could start like I always do and say it's been a while, but hell we know that already.

So work is better...I still think that evil bitch is just that, but hey you can't like everyone right?

So one of my best friends in Vegas left.  She is in Utah now...its weird not seeing her at work.  I did however go get fitted for my bridesmaid dress...can not wait for the wedding!

Been doing Friday nights at Numb and Sunday's at Nikki Beach seeing Jay.

Getting ready for the kids graduation on Friday.  My Niece graduated last week, so extremely proud of the girls!

Got a Matchbox Twenty day coming up soon! 19 of us are headed to San Diego County look out Pechanga!

I'm kinda at ok right now, just rolling with the punches.

Enford's Anniversary just passed....I was talking to Joseph today and I realized that he is the greatest gift ever left to me. I love and miss them endlessly!

My heart is sick for the subway and high rises of New York...I'm working on the endless emptiness of not being there.

I posted a FB message that captured my mood the other day.

Happiness is the place where I smile the most...not here, not on this coast...My house of cards is falling to the ground while life moves round and round...good out weighs bad, but negative out weighs the positive...you can only love those who are willing and you can only be willing to love those that are open to your flaws...no one is perfect, some are just less perfect than the average person...that person is me


It still captures the emotions I feel.

Ok yeah and I have a pretty massive crush....LOL and NO it's not Roger :-)

Restrictions have been lifted!!

YAY!!! Jay is Happy again and we got to go hang out at the Nikki Beach Cafe and see him for the first time since Feb.  I love the people I surround myself with, now that I know who the rat is, and I love for them to be happy.  Who knew that I could call people I see once a week at the bar they work at my friends. I love Vegas for the friendships I have been able to grow. So now Nikki Beach Cafe is my Thursday night spot, its locals night!

Friday I double & then ended up triple booking my night! I was going to Numb and then to Mikey's Gig at Whiskey Dick's to see 90Proof.  Then Julia asked me to go to Rick Thomas' final show at Sahara. It was really good, I was glad I went. I want a baby tiger, but since they get really big I will just visit them!!

Next it was off to Numb bar for Red friday nights.  We got to meet the head canolli, the jury is still out! As always I had a blast.  Tried to see the men of Goss, but the show ran long so so a quick hello with Jason & Andrew and then I was gone!

Next I went up to see Mikey and 90 Proof! LOVE LOVE LOVE these guys! Mikey always has so much fun on stage that I truly do love see them perform. It was a great ending to a great night!

Saturday brought my daughter heading to prom.  Go figure her lowlife bastard of a father came through.  I am shocked to say the least.  My baby looked amazing though, so I was proud of her.

Later that night Andrea and I went to hang out at Cafe Nikki and catch up with Jay....not a bad way to spend  a Saturday night.

So as Monday draws near I'm going to say good night and have happy thoughts of my life on the East Coast...one day soon I will be there!

Rereading my blog

Just went back and read my blog from 2007...Life is good!

Back to life on the West Coast

Its been a few weeks and my routine has returned to what it is. My heart pulls at me to be on the East Coast. I want to bring my grand daughter with me, but as Viv pointed out, the whole point of the move is because the kids are grown up.  If Alyssa comes with me then I am in the same boat, which defeats the purpose of being able to get up an go.  I cant imagine my day without her, but Tatiana is getting better so we will see.  She will still spend summers on the East Coast with me, she is gonna be an East Coast baby!

My move may be put on hold for a while.  I'm getting custody back!! That doesn't mean a lot now but it will in future blogs. Let's just say that loving someone makes me do some crazy stuff, but in this case it is worth it! Then again we can do the East Coast together...who knows.

As I said life has returned to normal.  I'm back at work, back to sleeping on my couch.  My lease is coming to an end in a few months so its time to get ready to move again. Thinking 3 bedroom.  Tatiana and Alyssa are hardly ever home and I am just paying for a lot of needless space right now. I'm doing a short lease because, well I'm moving to the East Coast! I have considered buying something, with my crappy credit who knows if anyone will let me.  You figure I pay over $12,000 a year in rent as it is, a small place at about $40k would be workable.

So let's talk about work. Since there is still some pending stuff going on I will say what I can just because I need to throw it out there into the universe...cause Karma is a bitch!

When I look back over the last 2 years and think of all the strange and bad things that have happened I never took a good look at the people around me.  I always felt safe in talking to my "friends". Yet low and behold I found the "enemy" around me.
Everyone knows I like to go out, drink, vent and have some fun. When I am angry I vent, LOUDLY. Anyhow myself and two other parties went out for dinner and drinks.  Things may or may not have been said, but it was in what I thought was a safe environment. If you are amongst friends and something you are hearing concerns you, would you talk to your friends or order food, laugh and cry, drink some more and then run back an report your fucked up "VERSION" of what you think happened.
Of course the latter happened and now I see that the people I blamed were not truly at fault, it was the evil person feeding them the info.  I am as ambitious as the next person, but I dont believe stepping on people to kiss ass gets you any further in your career....apparently some people do.
Anyhow the gist of it is I know who my true friend is and who my true enemy is. My friend is leaving me but I understand why and love her for it.  My enemy is just that.  I can work with the person, but outside of actually having to discuss work related items I'm done.  I think now knowing who I am dealing with things will be much better.

My daughter is going to prom this weekend if her deadbeat jackass of a donor can for once do what he says and give her the money.  I'm not holding counting on it, once a dead beat bastard always a dead beat bastard. These 16 and pregnant girls have no idea the hell they are setting themselves up for.  When i got pregnant with my youngest i really thought I was in love...HAHAHA all Phil "aka JINX" (name fits) was good for was....well nothing! Such a waste of human flesh!

Oh well that my rant about deadbeats. I'm not supporting her going because at 18 and just a month from graduation she may NOT graduate.  I have an issue with her slacking off for four years but still expecting me to drop hundreds of dollars on what could be an attendance certificate and not a diploma.

LOL and thats my life on the West Coast...see why the East is oh so tempting!

In case you stumble upon my blog

My Lovely friend Julia wrote an amazing post about the treat of our friend Stephanie whom we met in New York last year. This only highlights the Cosmo, but Steph has had some issues with at least one other hotel. It just rattles my brain that in 2011 people are still so closed minded!!!

http://www.hotelchatter.com/story/2011/4/26/154923/594/hotels/The_Wrong_Amount_Of_Wrong_Barred_For_Life_From_The_Cosmopolitan_For_Being_Transgender

New Jersey Day 7...My last full day :-(

I woke up that morning feeling really sad, but I wasnt going to let it dampen my day.  I had a lunch date with my favorite musician Matt Beck so I was ust going to enjoy the day.  I walked down to the light rail and took the same path I had taken the day before. I went up the 72nd subway stop and waited for Matt.  We met over on Columbus at the Columbus Tavern.  Great mac & Cheese.

Its always nice to be able to just sit and hang out with Matt.  Talk about kids and shows and tours and New York. We talked about my wanting to move to the East Coast and his Spidey break.  Just a good hang!

After lunch with Matt I headed over to Luke's Lobster to get some sandwiches for later. Also stopped at Insomnia Cookies for some take homes. No trip would be complete without a trip to Starbucks so i sat there and watched the city for a bit.

I caught the train down to the World Trade Center to see the progress they were making.  So different from the last time I was there.  Its set to open in September, must get back to see it. Lastly I headed to Times Square because Alyssa needed something from the toy store.  What the hell was I thinking! I wanted to start knocking kids around the second I got there...UGH!

My final trip in New York was to the Darby to meet Viv and Jenny.  It was a quite night there so it was great to just hang out. Made me sad about leaving a funk I am still having trouble shaking.

When we got home I completed the packing process because I was leaving in the next day.

New Jersey Day 6

I was a good girl and got up at a decent hour to head out into the city.  Jenny was heading home so she dropped me at the lightrail and the rest was up to me.  So I took the LR to the PAth to the Subway all the way up to Central Park South and the journey began.

I entered the Park by the zoo.  I really want to take Alyssa there when she finally comes. Then I just walked and wandered.  I had not path so I just walked and turned wherever I wanted. I past just areas of sheer beauty, I found the CP Summer Stage, the fountain, the canoes, some squirrels and a bird or two.  I just walked and stopped and took in the beauty of where I was. Central Park is amazing! Well amazingly BIG!!!

It was time to get something to eat so I had to try and get out of  the park. OMG! I was going to Luke's Lobster which at the time was just .86 miles away. After an hour of walking, still trying to get out the park I ended up on Museum Mile now 2 1/2 miles away from where I wanted to be!!! However I finally made it for an amazing Maine style Shrimp Roll.  Yummy!!! Go check it out...its on Amsterdam between 80 & 81...ill be going back there once I move!

Anyhow after wandering around the upper west side and spending over $100 at Lush Cosmetics I send Matt a text to see if he was busy, maybe would could meet for coffee. Eventually we decided to meet the next day so I started to head back to Viv's.  However she said I should come out to Coney Island where she was singing at another wedding. Coney Island? Why not!!! So I took the subway all the way out to Coney Island and met her at the Riveria Club.

Another amazing venue! The wedding was great. Its always fantastic to see people having fun.  The band was great and Viv sounded fantastic. It was a great way to spend one of my last nights on the East Coast because I was starting to get sad.

We finished watching the Kennedy's that night. I know it got some bad press, but it really was done amazingly well!

On to day 7

New Jersey Day 5

I have to say day 5 was a pretty easy and relaxing day.  I was going to go into the city but opted for sleep instead. So Viv and I curled up on the couch and me on her comfy chair and we watched the Kennedy's miniseries. We ended up watching parts 1,2,3,4,5 & half of 6 before we had to get ready for the wedding she was singing at.

So I put on my Gossy best and we headed out to the Newark Club....in pouring rain!!! Even the Valet didnt look happy about having to come park the car. It was insanity....like a Louisiana mini hurricane.

Anyhow we go inside and went up to where the wedding reception would be.  It was interesting.  LOL Viv and I played games on our phones during the times she wasnt singing, but it was fun. Found something called the Viennese Dessert Table...we so need to have there here!!! Anyhow a few hours later we were on our way home and we went back to the couch were we watched Country Strong.

OK GREAT Soundtrack and I dont even like country. Yet the movie, despite what Rob Thomas says, not so much! We were both disappointed but we got through it!

I decided for day 6 I was gonna tackle the park!

New Jersey Day 4

Incredible Day!!!
The Ladies had 2 gigs...one with Dana Fuchs & another with Billy Cliff both sold out and within 30 minutes of each other, so it was gonna be a long day :-)
I started out eating soup...yes soup! LOL Jenny asked I said no and she said you are eating soup....I didnt argure :-)
We started out in traffic trying to get to the Lincoln and then again on the Holland....reminds me again why I will be doing public transportation.
We made it to the Highline Ballroom and there was already a small line, reminds me of every GA concert I have ever been too.  If the show is at 8p we are there at 5....am that is not pm....insanity I know.
I will admit I had never heard Dana's music until a few days ago and I really like it. I watched the girls sound check for a while and then we went upstairs right before doors. It was fun hanging out meeting different musicians.  Listening to every talk about what they had done and what they would be doing.
The girls ordered me a dinner, thanks Dana, and everyone just hung out till show time.
I stood side stage during the show and it was great! Way different view from out front and I loved it! Dana did a great show! I need to buy her CD, but I didn't have time I had to go get the car.  Since the girls had to be at the next gig within about 15 mins I went to get the car and have it waiting.
Viv has a Hybrid, that except for a few different ways of shifting is like any other car, but its still new and we all know I'm not the best driver, so it makes me nervous.  I asked the guys in front of the club if I could park out front and they said yes.  LOL although after getting the car from the garage he said my parallel parking skills sucked! Too funny, normally I'm really good, but um yeah I admit I sucked!
Once the girls came out we were off to the Sugar Bar for the Billy Cliff Experience. I had seen the rehearsal for this show on Wednesday, OK well the parts I was awake for, and I was pretty excited to see the show.
After parking we climbed the stairs to the dressing room, NY is full of stairs good grief! The girls changed and looked amazing as usual and down the stairs we went. The Sugar Bar apparently is owned by Ashford & Simpson, so the sign said. Its small for the "club" portion, they really need to knock down some walls and move things around, but it worked. I stood off to the side of the "stage" which was also the kitchen area so i was in peoples way, a lot, but there were TV's where i could watch what was going on. Another fantastic show.
These ladies are amazing I have to say, I love watching them work. What is really did was make me never want to go home...which I know is not a possibility right now.  Gotta get the kid graduated  and liquidate the house...but when i get back I will be starting the process!

On to day 5!!!

Visiting New Jersey Day 3

I'm awake!

Met a dear friend from High School Larry today.  He sent me a great app for getting around (more about that later).

Anyhow we met across from MSG at the post office and walled till we got to time square.  From there we ate at Ruby Tuesday and just played catch up and talked forever! Such a nice time! Some people you want to catch up with, some you dont...this was one I was really excited to see...it had been over 20 years, but it just seemed like yesterday!
After lunch (which I sent a pic to Viv to show I was eating) he walked me over to the Empire State Building...I mean you have to do it sometime right? After saying goodbye and a promise to keep in touch up I went...to stand in line after line after line....OK Top of the Rock is now my favorite...the lines at ESB are insane! It took over 45 mins to get to the first elevator!
Anyhow once I got up there it was breath taking....spent about an hour just taking in the sights knowing I was meant to live there.  Then i did the simulator....moving on now.

So my new app instructs me how to take the subway and gives me walking instructions to my destination. So I ventured over to Serendipity...only a 10 mins wait, you can NOT pass that up! I just wanted to eat at the original an I did.  So not like the one in Vegas, but so worth the wait!

Just like the movie I passed Bloomingdales and the dress shop...how can you not love NYC!?!

Anyhow after leaving there I headed over to the Darby to watch Vivian and Jenny sing.  They were doing a private party, its always amazing watching them sing.  I had a great time and so did everyone there...LOL hence all my new party favors.

The night ended with a cup of tea and the promise to eat some fruits and veggies tomorrow.  I adore these women!

Off to Central Park tomorrow...until then!

Visiting New Jersey Day 1 & 2

Stayed up for 24 hours...boarded a plane...slept...lay over in Chicago...ate...delayed plane....boarded plane...slept...got to Viv's...slept....woke up went to rehearsal with Viv and Jen....Slept...came back to Viv's...slept come more....on to day 3!

Friday Nite Celebs

I went to see Absinthe with UK buddy Julia and we got to see some celebs!

First up my 90210 fantasy come true Luke Perry....a little rough around the edges, but hell its Luke Fucking Perry! The best part, I said Mr; Perry do you mind taking a picture? He said sure, put out his hand and said Hi I'm Luke and we shook hands. No fucking kidding your Luke Perry!

Next up Josh Strickland...the gay Best Friend everyone wants to have, but is Holly's instead. Not quite as approachable as Luke Perry. 

Finally to round out the night while waiting for my food so I could be just a bit more sober and coherent than I was to arrive...Mr Celine Dion aka Renee (insert last name here).

He was the best! Out buying over $60 worth of food in the Ceasars Palace food Court i simply said Renee do you mind taking a picture? He said sure and took the picture like a pro, we said thank you and he gave a little nod. Then while waiting for his food he took more pictures and was super gracious to everyone that came up to him. He was the best pic of the night...I mean if I had ate before, didnt drink those pink drinks at Absinthe and wasnt already drunk off my rear we would have missed this shot!

Thanks  to Julia and Bob (pictured above) for a fun an entertaining night of Absinthe, Acrobatics, Spanx and Celebs!