Finding Friends

You would think in this age of social networking you could find just about anyone.  LMFAO Lord knows I'm easy to find.

I have been looking for 2 people of over 20 years now and I just can't find them.

In the 7th grade I went to camp for a week and met 2 of the most amazing people and we kept in touch for a while and then life happened.

LOL so if you happen to run across a Jon(athan) Curto or John Hayes in your passing that worked at the Wilshire Camp in So Cal around 88 or 89 give them my email will you?

OK back to life

Road Trips Rock!

Its been a few days and life and my sleep pattern are back to normal.  Meaning I'm back at work & I'm down to about 4 hours a sleep max a day...yay me!


So last Friday I headed up to Reno to catch up with one of my fav groups Carolina Liar. LOL, don't ask who they are because you already know, you just don't know you know them. Listen to this and when you mind goes "Oh Yeah" come back and read. 

Now that you are back here we go.  My work husband & his mistress came to pick me up.  I adore Jurgen & Stacy and I miss having them here in Vegas with me, they were part of my sanity here.  Anyhow we ate , hung out and just caught up on what's been going on since I was in Reno for Danielle's wedding last month.


Detour.....the wedding was amazingly beautiful! Love Danielle & Loki, here are a few pics.

OK Back to the road trip.  Checked into the hotel and then we wandered and ran into 3/4 of the Liars and the wonderful Colette.  Said some hello's and I would see them later.  


LOL at some point Val arrived w/Vodka and the rest of the night gets slightly blurry! So here is what I know.


Danielle arrived and we did another food & catch up session. We all hung out until Jurgen & Stacy left. Went to the show (still drinking) and found half the Liars, LOL! Good thing we got there early because they went on 30 mins ahead of schedule! Impromptu photo...LMAO!

We went to our seats way in the back and decided to sneak into seats way in the front! LMAO we stayed there till the evil venue guy kicked us out.  Not that it mattered my pics are a comical array of blurry shots! See..

Anyhow after the show we went and hung in the lobby.  I am sure Gavin & David are amazing musicians and they have some amazing fans, but just not my cup of tea (or alcohol) in this case.  So we kicked it in the lobby! 
After a while we went upstairs to get Rickard's 1st birthday pressie of cookies & rice crispy treats, but ended up talking to Johan, Colette & Chad instead. After forever & Danielle buying Chad a drink we grabbed the stash of yum and went back to lobby. LOL more drunken pics!

As with all shows the night comes to an end, but not before a little Liar time & Love :-)

Next Day it was up to Tahoe! I fell asleep in the car on a road & woke up in the forest! So pretty though! LOL and within an hour I had an altitude headache that I kept the next 24 hours! Such an amazing time though! We went to the beach at Camp Richardson, had some drink, Val cooked dinner, went to the casino and picked up my massive haul of chocolate from Stacy and then I slept in a Log Cabin!!

Next morning we were off to Falling Leaf Lake! We were supposed to get an early start but my lovely hostesses & host let me sleep! How amazing to wake up in fresh air and seriously in a REAL LOG CABIN! Apparently Falling Leaf is where they filmed the Bodyguard, which was pretty neat.  Johnny is a wealth of info and facts and I really enjoyed listening to everything!
So we went up to the top and everyone but Robin and I hiked down, lol we took the car! The lake was like glass up there, insane how much it looks like a postcard! All I could say was WOW!

My time in Tahoe sadly came to an end and it was back to tour. Val took me to the hubby & stacy who took me to the airport.  It was so hard not to cry when I left, I truly do love those two!


Anyhow arrived back in Vegas and jumped in the car with Lena off to San Diego.  We got there sometime around midnight to Jezzica's and spent the next few hour just talking.  The morning brought about the Winery's.  Note to self, EAT BEFORE WINE TASTING STUPID! I was pretty intoxicated so we ate over priced horrible food to soak up alcohol.  Got a case of the most amazing Champagne ever and picked up some wine for the boys as Rickards 2nd day of birthday pressies.


We started the trek down to San Diego with baby gifts & birthday gifts in hand. I immediately went into tour mode.  LOL poor Lena I don't think she was expecting my high strung stressed out mode, but it passed.  


Got to the venue and saw Armen & Mark.  Mark took the pressies to his bunk for us and we went to enjoy the show.  Bought tickets online on the way to SD and they ended up being 3rd row center! Not too bad. 


The boys once again put on an amazing show! (Not like they ever don't) and since Lena sat on my drink during the show I was pretty sober for a little bit.

After the show we once again left and had some great Liar time.  Met Leah, who is hands down adorable. Opened pressies and had some drinks before ending the night back in Temecula. Quick stop at in-n-out and after some chatter the night ended.  


Next morning was a drive back to Vegas for the night where I went stir crazy, I'm so meant to be out traveling...somewhere!


Met Melissa at the airport and we were off to LAX to catch up with the guys in Pomona!  Gotta love Mel, she backed till 4a to make Rickard homemade cupcakes for his 3rd and final birthday pressie.  Best part was they made the trip thru the airport, on the plane, to the hotel and finally to Mark's bunk on the bus.



Pomona Pomona, LOL OK all I can say about this place was MAJOR CLUSTERFUCK! It reminded me of Wilminghell with the Sticks years ago.  I wish Sean or Jason or someone would have come out and yelled or restored some kind of order, but of course nothing!


Nikki, Sue & I had the VIP package and Mel went in GA. Quick hang time w/the Liars since everything and everybody was running late.  Got to see JB! Missed him.  He did the first merch, LOL classic JB, miss seeing him in front of the lines.


Pomona was crazy! The crowd was pumped and the guys had an electrifying set! Such a good way for me to end! After the show & merch we hung out at the bar & met David Cook.  LOL since I hadn't actually watched a show it was nice to met him, he was a really nice guy.

LOL and from here the night moves fast.  Hung w/Colette for a few and said goodbye to Johan before the final merch.  He was off to NYC for the break. Helped the guys sell some Merch or pimp Rickard as it ended up being.  LOL so funny! Had a cupcake and pressie sessions and then said goodbye to the boys four or five times and the night was over with a see you next year.

Such a great ending to an amazing road trip!


Then it was 2hr of sleep, a quick plane ride back to Vegas and straight to work.  The best part was coming home to my baby.  I miss her so much when I am gone.  LOL but I didn't miss her sleeping in my bed! How can a 4y old take up sooooo much space! I love my grand baby though!


So there is where the road trip should end, but instead looks like I'll be seeing the guys one last time in Chicago for their last show.


LOL the fun never ends!

Survival vs. Selfishness

So I have just come back from the most amazing 6 days on the Road seeing one of my favorite bands Carolina Liar.


If you know me you know I adore these boys.  If you just randomly read my non-sense I met these guys when they opened for Rob Thomas just over 2 years ago. I freely admit I had no clue who they were, but like everyone else in the world I knew Show Me What I'm Looking For to be one of the most amazing songs on the radio.


Anyhow a tour and 2 years later I am honored to be able to continue see these guys and get back just as much love from them as I have for them.  I decided that I am willing to give up Sticks for Liars, a monumental thing in itself.


Anyhow I am gearing up for my "vacation" and move to the East Coast. However everyone still has mixed feelings.  As much as I love my friends they know I will leave whether they want me to or not.  However my family still has some influence.


My youngest daughter is unhappily struggling on her own having moved out not too long ago. My oldest daughter and grand daughter are happily living with me for $100 month.  LOL, KIDS!


However in the total scheme of my life Vegas is slowly becoming a toxic place for me.  I want out! In order to get out I plan to go to NYC for about 2 months and scout around. Shortly after I plan to move.  


So back to the title of this.  If I see leaving here as a survival mechanism for my happiness is it selfish that I am leaving everything I know to do it?  This includes possibly giving up my close to (not quite, but close) 6 figure salary a year job in the middle of this stupidly crazy and bad economy? 


I say no, but there are so many others that disagree.


I know that I will excel as an assistant in the industry.  I am so willing to learn that someone could pretty much create me into the perfect PA, for them. 


Its going to be hard, and I will use every contact I can just to get my foot in the door.  Then its all me.  I could excel or I could fail, but shouldn't I be allowed the chance without the criticism? 


I had my kids young.  I my no means claim to be a great or even a good mom.  However they never suffered, much to their disbelief. Now that they are grown up and ready to move on with their lives should I not be allowed to do the same?


I send this out into cyberspace knowing I'm talking to myself, but hey maybe the answer will come to me from somewhere :-)

Hitting Rock Bottom

So in my infinite plan to move forward I fell 100 stories to the bottom.  We all do things that eventually we hit the  bottom from. Its how you recover that counts.

I tread water until I was tired. I swam until I sank. I fought until my mind said I was done. I asked for help and a life preserver was thrown.

I'm now floating to the shore and it feel so good.  By next week all the bad will be over and I can start looking forward at the next life I am creating for myself.

My future is finally looking up.  I'm 36 and about to embark on the best years of my life.  Where it will take me I have no idea, but you know what, I'm up for the challenge.

I have raised my family to the best of my ability and its time to set them free to fly or try.  Will they follow me? Maybe, time will tell.  I hope they will stand on their own feet, but sometime you have to crawl again to walk.

I love my sister endlessly for everything she does, has done and continues to do for me.  She may not always approve, but she wants me to be happy.

Its time to put myself out there.  I have less than 4 months before I can happily leave my current job and embark on this new journey.

Wish me luck, because I broke everything in my dropping to the bottom.  Now is the time to pick myself up and climb like I never have before!

Clarity & Lack of Sleep...UHG they don't mesh well in my life!

It is 2:12a and I can not sleep!


Took a nap before Hawaii 5-0 because I was so tired and now I'm fucked! I need to be up in a few hours.


So I was re-reading my blog, because sometimes I need to remember what I ramble about.


Part of getting my shit together is trying to clear the Karma I have brought upon myself or others on me.


I did one thing in my life that I can say was truly a terrible thing.  Nothing extremely bad, I just went along with something and a few people got hurt along the way. One most likely still suffers from the effect even though she was so young at the time.


So I'm going to do something I NEVER do! I am going to make amends with a few people.  Not that we will ever be friends or even have a "Family" relationship again, but at least that starts to release some of the negative energy on my Karma.


Now in saying that some things, like trying to get me fired to better your own career, are completely unforgivable, as far as I am concerned that person, well lets just say I don't care. However being the stubborn person I am I need to let some thing go.  I am determined to have people in my life I love and get rid of those that make me want to kill someone!


So time to shake some bad Karma....OH this is gonna be hard! No time like the present right!


If this is what 36 brings, come on 37!

I fell the need to blog, but nothing come to mind to blog about.

I can say what I want to do over and over again and if the universe is listening it will happen. Gonna start reading some books on the industry.  You can't learn how to be a PA, but you can learn what the person you want to be working for does.

Had a huge argument with my youngest child today on paying bills. It is what it is, she is going to learn the hard way.

I have always said I would blog to just get my feelings out, but i find that hard to do.  Im going to set a reminder to remember at least once a week so I can keep this current.

Its going to be my journal to success, or maybe failure, we will see!!!

Depression & Me

Most likely not the best thing to talk about when I desperately want to change careers, but hey this is my blog I can say what I want!


I have suffered with Depression for years.  I was on meds & in therapy for a long time, but me being me I stopped therapy and I just wont take the meds.  I'm convinced I can control it myself.


One of my biggest issues was always that the issues with my kids were because of me.  I am the only common denominator between them, well that and I managed to pro-create with 2 of the most lying useless people in my world. They both have a form of ADD/ADHD & one is bi-polar & has ODD. So for 2 kids to both have issues like that its got to be something in the genes rights? Who's genes do they both carry? Me! That was something my therapist was never able to work out of my head.  That and after 2 years she only saw one break through with me...so I left! So my solution, I just wont have any more kids.  I have gone to great lengths to make sure it stays that way too. Hence why I enjoy being single.


However I can literally feel my body sliding down the dark hole of despair as I call it. When it happens nothing and no one can fix me, only I can slide down and find the light hidden somewhere in my world.


Why bring this up?  I was talking to a good friend over "Slice" this morning and she said that last Christmas I was off the radar for 6 days.  No social networking no texting, email or phone calls.   That kind of shocked me because I dont remember that at all! Normally I can tell you exactly when that was, kind of scary actually.


SO I said I was going to reread some stuff and see what was going on.  I cant find anything.  I see a trip to NY and I am always sad when i have to come back, that is getting worse.  I cried leaving NY last trip.  Although that was quickly removed by anger from the hellish 20 hour trip I had getting home.


To sum this all up.  If I fall off the grid, I'm not lost, just taking a break.  I still see everything that goes on, I just might not mentally be up to talking. All the love that is sent to me helps me find the light that will guide me back to sanity. Is it smart to not medicate, I think so, because on the meds I dont like the person I become.


I'm in a semi happy place.  I have a goal, I have a direction and I can see myself where I want to be doing want I want to do.  The obstacles to get me there are what hurts me the most, because they are obstacle I put there, I just didnt know it at the time.


To the people that know me, not the social networking Googleable me, none of this is new to you.   You have experienced it before, even if you didn't know it.  LOL you are now having an "AHHHH" moment.  To those that only know me from the above, well when I'm offline for a while, dont worry I will be back to ramble some more.

My outlook on 36

So I turned 36...blah! Another birthday, another Tuesday...how...BLAH!


On the plus side I feel big changes coming.


I have some serious financial issues that have to get sorted...but i still feel its all recoverable.


I can visualize myself in another place being happy finally.


Of course that visualization takes me to the East Coast.  Very few people are thrilled about it and even less believe I will do it. My question is simply Why Not?


I am at the perfect point in my life where I can change careers.  My daughters & grand daughter, although I love them endlessly, really dont need me any more.  Once kid moved out and the other is just buying time to get on her feet.


I am no longer happy in Vegas, I'm just going through the motions of the day to day things.


I know what I want to do.  I want to get to the other side of the rope.  However I have no experience other than being a friend and a fan.  I dont have a degree, I dont have a pieve of paper that says I know something I will never use.  What I do have is ambition and drive and a passion.  I know I will make some unsuspecting person an amazing assistant.  I'm a control freak, i need things to be done my way, there is no other way. I have 12 years of telecommunications experience and a total of 6 years of management experience.


I need that one lucky break and I am good.


Good things are going to happen in the next 12 months, just wait and see!


I wasnt a Steve Jobs fan & I am sorry he passed.  However I did learn that one person can have a massive impact on large numbers of people. Sometimes you can have more and love and respect in your life than you can ever imagine or know. Thanx Steve for showing me that Dreams are possible, and then some.


On the plus side my Carolina Liar boys are hitting the road! These guys deserve all the success they can image! I get to see them in 15 days....WOOHOO!


Ok to bed now!