No Title

What do you say when you have nothing to say.....everything!
So I have gone through the last few months in the same way i always do, day to day...you know what, more days keep coming.
I have spent amazing times with friends, new and old, I have discovered things about me I never knew and some I never wanted too.  Thing is time keeps moving forward.
When you are a little person you dream of how your life will turn out. You dream of all the things you will do growing up, what High School will be like, what college life will be like, the career you want to have, the person you will marry, the children you will have and then you wait.
As you are waiting you watch....High School becomes the hell it was always meant to be, college may or may not happen, you change careers to fit what you can do vs. what you want to do, you wonder if that person really is out there or did you once let him go because of something stupid, you see yourself in your children.
I did it all backwards. I see myself in my children, the good and the bad. I see my child in my grand daughter and realize that loving her is the most amazing thing in the world....too bad I didnt see that 20 years ago when her mother was growing up. I have a career I am good at, but I don't like. I watch those close to me doing the thing I want to do and wonder, what took you so long to realize you are not where you want to be, either professionally or personally. I know who my "Soulmate" is and no there is no way to go back and fix the past....we will forever be one soul living two different lives and missing that other part of ourselves. I did college...only 30 more years till those loans, in a different profession, are paid off. High School was the hell it was supposed to be.  The best thing that came our of it was my children and the friends I still have today...nothing more, but a lot less.
So in saying all that what can the future possibly hold. I will never be that one in 10 million person to be financially sound, I will always struggle making the day to day happen.  Some say its because I live my life in the fast lane. Honestly are those in the slow lane really enjoying their life, I mean you cant take it with you. Life should be about seeing the world and loving the things you do. So I do them.
I often say I remain single cause I havent me the man that makes me want to give up the life I have, its true, I did once, but time moves on.
So where to go from here.  I have a job I only like because of the team I have, then people well lets just say its like High School and I already said how I feel about that.
Im still waiting to be that person that can put $6 in a slot machine and walk away with financial security, while I'm waiting i'll be broke.
At 35 I have no clue where I am going or what I want to be....when I do maybe I will title this post.